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The innocent guilt

Like everyone else ,I also have a  dream.I know many obstacles are waiting for me.finally! Finally ! The day  arrived, when I started walking on the path of my dreams ,i joined a university .I was happy I will give wings to my dream .

Just after completion of my first semester .everyone in the bus noticed me . now I was more silent ! more quite ! Don’t indulge in fun going around me .All I know was ,  I was missing someone badly. My eyes was moist . I was crazy to put myself  through the emotions this caused.

 Now you might be thinking  who am I talking about ? 

What actually happened? 

Just after joining university , I started liking someone .his first impression on me was worst and he was very !very! rude . he was actually talking about some buffet and his trip to Thailand  and I being confident told him I went to US for a school trip .we spend a good time with each other. The crazy thing was that I had zero desire to actually date him  . 

I want to ask you .how will you feel if your crush says you that he likes you ?                 Well ! Confused wrigh                                      I was also confused , few minutes later .it literally took a glance of half a second and I was gone ,flying above rooftops .so bizarre .I know he weren’t my type .we used to have long talks and I told no one about him . instead , I kept my memories of him hidden inside me like a ball of energy is wrapped for a keeping it safe.his every small details , every nuance in facial expressions , every word he says was like a secret indulgence.

Until !a worst day arrived in my life ,that one pathetic joke between him and my friend which made them worst enemies. But the kind of relief for me was they both didn’t ignored me anyhow . everything again went back to normal.

Until! One more worst day arrived . when he messaged me that he had heard all the conversation between me and my friend. although , I was clueless , what the hell ! I have done so wrong  .  I was waiting for him to answer .he didn’t replied .my eyes were moist . next morning when I saw him in bus. I knew , I couldn’t ignore the situation any longer. 

  I don’t know what will you judge it ‘my ego’.                                                                  No! I will say it was my self-respect.

I felt a heartbroke , although I was never indulged in a relationship.that moment came when his face fell apart , I knew that point was  ready to move on with my life .there have been  only once in my life that I was instantly attracted to someone like him .

Why !!!!!!!

Why I always want him to be happy.              Why I always remember him and cry            why I always admired him                            why I just keep on remembering things again and again                                                   which fill my eyes with never ending tears                                                                   with a guilt which cannot be explained         with a pain which cannot be expressed.      Why the hell I given him right to hurt me.     Why the hell!!!!!!

Let me clear this is just a story……..